Dark Star snippet

 For my D&D Bard, a Tiefling named Dark Star:

I'm not your toy. I don't dance to your whims and desires. I'm not someone to be shamed because I don't act like you think I should. Shame, you think you know shame because some god told you it. I sing, play and act damn well because it was trained into me. It's the only "purpose" I was made for. The only thing I know. When I don't fulfill that purpose, that's shame.

But I'd give it all away to find anything left inside. For someone, for once, and more than once, to see more than the pretty puppet that struts across the stage. Do I really have no purpose other than to look good? To give and give and give...until there's nothing left inside. Hollow, inside and out. Make people like you by any means necessary, because they surely wouldn't otherwise. Because who could love a puppet, a pretty doll with no soul of their own?

Character: Nyi Keene

Nyi and Kephri were created together, which is something I do often. The image for Kephri came first, but Nyi's last name was chosen first. It came from Carolyn Keene, the author of the Nancy Drew series. I still have a collection of very old 1960-ish yellow hardcovers. Started with a bunch that were my mom's, and I've found/rescued more over the years. The whole line of them was in my eyesight when I was first thinking of these two, and I just had to use the last name for someone. Their first names came out of the glossary of a book called Moon Magic. Nyi is associated with a Norse phase of the moon, and his older brother Mani is the old man in the moon. He's matured and grown more of a brat over the years, and despite appearances as the cheerful, helpful one of the two, he is NOT the nice one. ^^


Nyi Keene

Age: 21

Birthdate: October 11, 2512

Story: YinYang

Physical Description: Nyi is five foot ten inches and of a slight willowy build as he weighs 135~140 pounds. Due to his magical ability it is very hard for him to gain any weight or muscle mass so he just barely made the physical requirements for the Hunters. Long glossy black hair hangs that practically to his knees is his pride and joy. It is always meticulously kept with straight even bangs. He has bright emerald green eyes in a youthful face, often considered younger than he is or mistaken for a girl. As he is of Indian and English descent his skin is a golden tan and he quite resembles his mother. Nyi loves Asian clothing and bright colors, his outfits for Hunter jobs are long tunics with high collars and gi pants. They also help to be so distracting and covering themselves that no one looks too closely at him.

Personality: Determined. Can be cheerful and outgoing but also secretive and incredibly stubborn. Has little care of what people think of him (other than Kephri) and so will often say whatever he pleases. Expects to get his way often, and when he doesn’t will attempt to manipulate the outcome. He’s a bit spoiled. But at the same time he doesn’t want to trouble people with that he considers his petty problems so he’ll keep his troubles to himself. Even when he wants to tell someone, he’ll suffer in silence rather than hurt or be a bother. Can push past his pain (emotional or physical) to accomplish a goal he desperately desires and often does. Doesn't show much personal care for his own body and is uncomfortable when people complement him. Like he knows he doesn't deserve it. Is more outwardly sympathetic than his partner but can also be more heartless.

Character: Kephri Tamano

I don't base characters on people except in very rare circumstances, and those are usually NPCs. I create characters from a concept I want to play with, or an image that came to me. Kephri came from the image of a white haired man waiting at night in a pool of golden streetlight. He was impatient and grumpy. It's only long after that I realized that just by accident, Kephri is probably the character most like me. Not in looks or personality, but in other ways that other characters do not have. As he is Darkmoon, the other screenname I've carried the longest, guess that makes sense. 

Kephri Tamano

Age: 26

Birthdate: August 29th, 2506

Story: YinYang

Physical Description: Kephri is five feet ten inches in height and of a martial artist's flexible but solid build. Visibly fit but not overly muscular. He has short white hair, typically tousled and unkempt. Eyes are brown and almond shaped, showing Asian ancestry. He is of Japanese and Scandinavian descent, so is naturally pale. Typical clothing consists of worn t-shirts, jeans, combat boots and a long canvas jacket padded with a type of kevlar. He’s almost always found wearing a black ball cap. Often a large knife is tucked into his clothes and a small handgun in one boot.

Personality: Anti-social. Irritable and paranoid of how negatively others see him. Assumes everyone sees him as some weird freak so before they hurt him he attacks first. People must prove themselves worthy (and resist all his attempts) before he’ll accept them, grudgingly. But once they do he’s possessive as he desperately wants to be needed and loved. Deep inside he’s a squishy marshmallow with a touch of innocence. Kephri wants to prove he’s worth it, wants to protect and keep safe those very few people that are safe enough to love. He’s just terrified of being abandoned and hurt again. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to betrayed again.

How I got Marion

I don't write other people's characters in RPs. I don't know their mindset, so I'd just do harm and annoy the person who created them. It's why it's so hard for me to write fanfiction even though I love reading it and will defend its existence forever. Really hard to get into someone else's mind and understand why they made this person this way. But sometimes, you need to rescue a really interesting character. Someone that you really wanted to have a chance to tell their story, and because of circumstances, would never be able to otherwise. And at this point, I'm sure he'd be unrecognizeable. How much is the original idea, and how much is the weird twists that I came up with to explain how I saw it? But this is how I got the complication that is Marion. Also known as Soushi. 

He was so important to that Digimon RP. His parents ran everything, and he did so as well, in his own ways. Soushi was also Sariel's counterpoint, the ice to his fire. They fought since the very beginning and had always meant to be. These two magnets, both repelling and attracting at the same time. We had so many ideas and it would be glorious. 

And then she was gone. I can't even remember the name she went by, not really, but I know the only reason we ever got for abandoning the game she brought us together for. She was leaving fandom forever because of something that had happened in a Pokemon RP somewhere else. Nothing to do with us, we were just random casualties. Me and Willow had put so much into our characters though, and we had quite a few. Most were connected to each other, but Sariel was not. And we needed someone with the power and money to bring all these kids together, and that was Soushi. Soushi creeped Willow out, she didn't think she could take him on. I decided I was going to figure out how he worked somehow. And while on the bus one day it started coming to me. During that walk home from bus stop to house I worked it out and he started speaking to me.

Soushi was always this cold, emotionless teen who was very proper in manner and perfect. He was supposed to be rich and a blond, yet Japanese anime boy. It's a manga trope, look at Tamaki from Ouran Host Club. The basics of his family life are still the same now as they were then, having been rigidly trained and controlled to be the perfect child. (Which I used again to different effect with Bliss) The more I used him, the more I leaned into the idea that he was manipulative and always knew everything going on. Soushi could be terrifying regardless, but he preferred to use his powers for good. Even though he had absolutely no problem completely destroying someone if they harmed anyone he cared about. He's not a hero, and  not a villain but he could play either for a time. 

Because he's such a complex character, I've never really been able to let him be. Soushi and Sariel were the first to be brought back from the ashes of Heikin. Renamed Marion Grey, and then Marion Grey Kaijin, his original last name, I've only tried to make his story more realistic. Even when setting them up in a Central CA coastal town. They've both been through multiple different story attempts, always together in some fashion. And Marion's only gotten weirder, enjoying the fact that he can disturb people just by existing. By paying attention he can tell what they're like and what he can do to push their buttons. And he always does, just to see what might happen. He's fascinated by people and how they act, and how he might predict their actions. And just as fascinated by the fact that he's never really been able to predict Seth's actions. Seth can't resist a challenge, and Marion presents the biggest challenge. They are the fire and ice, never happier than when clashing together. 

Character: Marion Grey Kaijin

Second, we have Marion who is easily the strangest person I have. I blame how I got him. Him and Bliss are the ones most likely to randomly speak up, often at unopportune times. I have a sign I found at the county fair that really speaks him. "I don't have issues. I have subscriptions."

Marion Grey Kaijin:

Age: 26

Birthdate: July 14th, 1986

Story: Don’t Let Go

Physical Description: Marion's features are just as unusual as his personality. His Japanese heritage shows in skin tone and facial/body features however his hair and eye color is much more to his American side. He has pale blond hair, cut evenly at chin length. Bangs often hang in his face, usually on the left side obscuring an eye. For a while they were dyed icy blue to match his eyes, but now that has grown out and mostly faded. He has quite the unnerving stare and is not terribly emotive. Marion is 5'8 of slim figure with long fingers and a jagged scar on his right wrist that he keeps covered. There are two piercings in each earlobe and one through the tip of his left ear. Scars exist for former ones in eyebrow and lip. He is left handed. His clothing style depends on purpose, business to impress, carefully chosen to disguise, or androgynous/cross dress to shock & irritate. No personal preferences of his own though he does tend to the colors of black, silver and blues, especially pale blue.

Personality: Complicated. On the surface he's capable of seeming always in control, in charge. A force to be reckoned with and quite possibly dangerous. You want him on your side, not against you. But only the last part is true. With no personal self-worth he's as much a danger to himself as to others. He believes there is no 'him', just a shell that does as told for the family. He might as well not be human (he truly doubts it sometimes) and due to things he has done he is a horrible person. It matters not that his father is an emotionally abusive controller and forced him because family. He also believes he’s a complete failure to his family and must be punished because he could not live without Seth. That he could not be robotic and uncaring enough to resist the pressures that drove him to suicide. Now he must piss off the rest of the world so he will get what he deserves. Furthermore Seth must be the one to destroy him as the only one who truly loved him and that he betrayed. All his self-destructive actions fall into this mindset.

Why is Seth Doomed Messenger?

As I mentioned last time, Seth has been around in some form or another for a long time. I'm pretty sure he's the first RP character I ever made, for a Digimon RP that I don't think I can remember the name of anymore. This was like around 2000. He was created to be the opposite crest to a friend of mine who was running the game. Crest of Destruction, and his original name was Sariel Triton. Sariel was the name of a messenger angel I found on a list and Triton for the moon of Neptune, which is said to be doomed, because it's slowly spiraling in towards its planet. Everyone in that game would have crests that were opposite qualities, so while Sariel was Destruction, his opposite, was Creation. A boy named Soushi.

Sariel always had long brown hair, but because anime, he also had a white streak over one ear because "trauma". What that was changed over the years until I realized it was a dumb idea. And his eyes were bright purple, 'cause once again, anime. He was a pissy little street kid with a temper like you find until being around friends civilizes him. His symbol was a wicked bloodied sword. As I've come to notice from many RPs, they die off or blow up unless you have really dedicated people (and probably even then). This happened with this game, the creator who had several characters, most specifically Soushi, had internet drama, got pissed and disappeared one day. Some of us tried to pick up the pieces, but the game was done for. Because even then Sariel's story was so wrapped up with Soushi's, I decided screw it, I was taking him. Me and another friend, Willow, decided to take our characters and write our own story. Which is how Heikin came about. But that is another, long and ultimately sad, story.

I was left with the unfinished remains of the extensive world of Heikin, and I did nothing with it for a long time as it was too painful. I had other characters who were less entangled and I picked up with them. But Sariel and Soushi's existence together drew me back to them and so I decided to change their names and use them in my own works, most prominently in what would become Fairytales Don't Exist (FDE). Additionally Sariel was also the name of Kephri's mother in YinYang, which was a little confusing to have a female and a male one, so he became Seth. It still had the doomed angel thing going for it.

A version of them now existed in the fantasy world of FDE, but it wasn't quite enough for them. Honestly ever since that one long walk home where I decided how exactly I could understand Soushi and make him mine, he's popped up to talk at random, unasked for moments. They were never people who intrinisically had magic, they were just weird broken people. For a fantasy writer, was there enough to just write a modern romance story with them? The world they would now belong to (FDE's other world, the modern Earth that Ryukuto Academy now occupied) would just be "normal", especially where they were concerned. Still not sure how well it does as a gay contemporary romance, but Seth became the MC of his own story, the story of him and Marion (Soushi) and second chances. Titled Don't Let Go.

As to why I use the name Doomed Messenger? Seth became the writer, the one who wanted to tell stories. And he does get to tell one story in particular, thanks to his friendship with Kuro Tenshi, the singer of Dark Angel and fellow fan of a certain anime called Heikin... ^^

Look, a post! And a character. Seth Triton

As I should actually be posting more shit here, why not introduce some characters? This might produce some (shock, horror!) context here, but hey, no one is perfect.

So to start off, who exactly Doomed Messenger is. Ignoring one and a half or so names I've used online, every single one is based off a character I've created. Mostly it's their screen names. Something they would have used online themselves. There are six characters that are most prominent in anything I've made, they belong to...let's say three separate stories. There's a little crossover because hey, that's always fun. Here is the first of them, and the oldest. Also quite probably the first RP character I ever made. Currently named Seth Triton.

Seth Triton:

Age: 26

Birthdate: August 14th, 1986

Story: Don’t Let Go

Physical Description: Seth is 5'6 in height and desperately wishes he was taller. He has a solid, dense build without seeming bulky and a tanned complexion. No real clue about his ancestry. Brown hair reaches to lower back with long messy bangs he often tucks behind his ears. He usually just keeps it in a ponytail. Blue-violet eyes that he swears are more the latter. He's comfortable in jeans and t-shirts, hoodies. As long as it's loose and cheap. The more expensive the more uncomfortable he is with it. He doesn't like any type of uniform, finding them confining and can only be forced to put it on for any length of time (retail aprons or work shirts, any sort of dress code where it’s this or be fired). Prefers black and grey, sometimes blue and purple if they are dark, and white only as an accent. Carries a small hunting knife sheathed and concealed in the small of his back. Only gift he ever received from his father that didn’t get stolen or sold. Has a black motorcycle helmet depicting white angel wings. Later requires reading glasses which he absolutely despises to wear until Marion can convince him it’s a turn on.

Personality: Comes off as a confident, take no shit sort of person, even when he’s not feeling that way. Can be easygoing but in a blunt and rough way. Has a quick temper that flares hotly but dies out just as fast if not sparked further. Is attracted to danger and a good challenge. Loves to compete and if there’s a little danger involved (or a chance to get caught) so much the better. Has a need to prove himself to be just as good despite his poor background and drug dealer father. Wants approval but won’t take pity or charity. Secretly is a bit of a nerd but tries not to look like it, as he has an issue with weakness and there are just so many ways one can appear weak to society. He’s come to realize the whole macho-thing is stupid but can’t help feeling uncomfortable and defensive if he’s not thought of as “a regular guy”. So is still trying to work that out. Which is ironic considering the danger attraction, the knife and Marion.