Reflection

The morning light stabbed at his reddened eyes, jarring him painfully from a fitful sleep. Another day to live through. Rubbing at his face, Nyi flung his arm down to tug futilely at the blanket that was no longer there. It had been kicked off sometime during the night of tossing and turning. The sheets were tangled around his thin frame, succeeding in covering his waist but uncovering one golden leg nearly to the hip. Some sheet managed higher on his body, and what the sheets didn't cover, his long black hair gave a shot. Groaning, he rolled over, pressing his face into the pillow and wishing he never had to get up. Some days he just wanted to stay asleep forever. Only one thing ever got him out of the bed. The possibility of finding Kephri today. It was the only reason he pushed to see the next day come.

After a minute of pretending to suffocate himself, he turned and began the slow process of dragging out of bed. He never could sleep well, mornings were more trouble than they were worth. There was never had any energy, not at least until coffee. Sheet wrapped around his waist, Nyi stumbled towards the kitchen at the other end of the studio. It was a well practiced maneuver to start coffee with only half your consciousness. Once the maker was quietly rumbling, he stumbled off to his next stop, the bathroom. Leaning heavily on the small sink, he stared at himself in the mirror.

"Nyi, why do you do this to yourself?" He asked the mirror, gazing semi-dazedly at the dark circles under emerald green eyes. They were once glowing with life, but now muted and resigned to his self-imposed fate. The youthful face was still pretty, but obviously worn and tired from night after sleepless night.

"I don't have anything left. And he's the only one who can make things right again." Nyi answered himself. "He'll protect me, scare off the ghosts. He always did." With a yawn, he reached up to massage some type of life into his face, even if it was just an act. A little cosmetic magic hid the circles, just in time for the coffee maker to beep its completion. Sluggishly he went back into the kitchen to pour himself a cup and down it. The caffeine hit his system in a wave. It took two more cups to even feel ready to face the day.

"I must be insane to think I could ever find him. It's a needle in a haystack." He finished the third cup, washed it carefully and placed it back on the rack. Then the trek back to his bed, to find clothing to wear for work. If he was lucky, he would get a mission today. The money was needed.

Nyi dressed and retrieved his shoes from the front door, slipping them on. He made the bed and washed up, to be ready to leave. Looking around, he made sure everything was in its place. It was. "But what choice do I have? I made this mess, so it's my personal hell to live in. I just have to survive...until I find him."

Tomorrow

Tomorrow he’d begin again.

Nyi put down the vidphone still in his hand, the words of the Employment Office echoing in his ears. He got the job, thanks to no one else willing to work with Kephri. Taran Graves, Kephri’s agent was to go over the details at 10am tomorrow morning in his office. The office was on the seventeenth floor of Hunter Central. Finally, tomorrow morning he would see Kephri again, after all these years.

And this time, no matter what it took, he was not letting him go.

He didn’t know what to feel. Relief? Triumph? Or just the same mix of desperation and determination that still kept him going, day after day. Kept him from doing more permanent harm to himself. Couldn’t find Kephri, couldn’t fix everything he had done wrong, if he was dead. Even if sometimes he was so tired he just wanted it all over. No more nightmares, no more insomnia, no more having to mainline coffee just to stay upright some mornings.

Nyi padded into the bathroom to stare at himself in the mirror, the feelings of disgust and revulsion at his image old friends come to greet him. He took notice of the dark circles under his eyes, the greasiness of his golden skin, all things that would have to change starting tomorrow. But he was good at hiding now, good at lying, at pretending to be what he was not. He would need to be cheerful, to be snarky and smartass right back at anything Kephri would throw at him. And most of all, patient. Nothing would be fixed in a day, in a week even. Kephri will try to get rid of him, will belittle him, try to leave him behind.

Because he doesn’t know the truth. A truth that Nyi might not ever be able to tell. But he doesn’t need the truth to fix his mistakes. He just needs this one chance. To be in Kephri’s presence again, to be able to talk to him again, maybe even befriend him. Even if it’s only as a stranger. For that was his only salvation.

Tomorrow he’d leave this self-induced purgatory. Tomorrow was the first day in the true life of Nyi Keene.

“Tomorrow.”